Sunday, April 12, 2009

Should I go or not?

I just had a chat with Alyssa this afternoon. She asked me if I was going to the farewell/reunion party. Instead of answering her question, I asked her the same question back. She said YES because she already got permission to go. I am aware that I've told some people that I would come only if Alyssa would come. Not because she's my only friend, but I feel most comfortable if she's around? Ha. I'm not Alyssa dependent, but if she won't come to the reunion and I would go, I'd probably be hanging around with Regina and MeAnne, or Eudes and Allen, or with Syd.

So, I still don't know if I'm going. There's something itching on the back of my head telling me not to go. It's not just about Gay Glare, it's literally about everyone. I know that the femaledogmeister will be there, along with her clique of Fugly "queens". They don't bother me, anyway. I'm just not feeling the mood to go. Once the farewell's over, they'd probably ask me questions such as: WHY DID YOU NOT FREAKING GO, HEDDA? ARE YOU STUPID? THIS IS LIKE, THE LAST ONE. Yeah, I know that and as much as I want to, I'm feeling that I should not go instead. I don't have ESP; but I really feel like I should not go. I'm not feeling that I'm not wanted, but I just can't put myself to have the proper emotion for the upcoming thing.

Ever since I got the text from Wilbur that the party will really happen, I started having doubts on whether I should come or not. I told my Mom that I feel like not going, and I was expecting her to be happy about it because I won't ask money or anything. But guess what? She was like, it's up to you. WHAT THE FOTCH? Don't you find it ironic that when you need your parents' opinion on something, they would just tell you that whatever decision you make, it would be fine for them while on the other hand, when you don't exactly need their opinion, they make up their own decision for you. They say it's all about the right and wrong crap, but whatever.

If I didn't attend the farewell party (which I'm about 95% sure), it's not because I hate my classmates. I'm not the type of person to force myself on doing something just so I would not miss out on all the fun. I don't need anyone to tell me: oh please go. In fact, that would make me not want to go. If you're going to tell me that I should go, then kindly explain why, but don't try make me sound like a kill joy because I already know that I am. Making me guilty would work too; just don't go overboard.

Maybe that's what I need? Some sort of encouragement or an uplifter to make me feel excited about this. (:


estrella.azul said...

who's the femaledogmeister? and umm.. i know what it feels like when ur parents dont even wanna make a decision for ye. how weeird

HeddaHardcore™ said...

I'm sure everyone knows what it feels like. ;D